I’m just going to start writing. Not sure where it’s going to go. Not sure what I really have to say, but I have had this nagging feeling for many years now that I want to say out loud some pieces of the conversation within. That might sound strange to some people who know me. I like to talk. I like to sing. I am a preacher. Yes, a preacher. That’s my calling and vocation. In fact, I have a doctorate in preaching. I am a doctor of saying stuff to people. If someone collapsed on the street and passersby quickly discerned that this person was dying from not hearing some words about stuff that might be meaningful, they would call out, “Is there a doctor who knows how to say stuff.” And I would hear them and I would be reluctant and bashful, but I would say, “I’m a doctor who says stuff.” And they would say, “Thank God!” And I would say, “Amen.” And I would stop and stoop and listen and then find some words that might make a difference.
So that’s why I’ve started writing, because I am trying to find some words that might make a difference. But, to be honest, this content might not be for you. It’s mostly for me. I’ve decided to start writing more, first and foremost, because I need it. I need to give voice to the conversation in my head. It’s there when I wake up in the middle of the night and wondering what my dream meant. It’s there when I get up in the morning and I wonder, like I do every morning, whether the coffee I’m about to drink will clear the fog. (It always does.) The conversation is there when my family members leave for school and work and there is a moment of quiet before I put on my headphones and start filling the silence with news and podcasts. It’s there when I walk my 2 wiener dogs – Slinky and Miss Piggy. If fact, I include them in the conversation – they are very good listeners when they’re not sniffing ivy leaves coated by another dog’s urine or eating something unspeakable. The conversation is there throughout the day when I go into the office (I’m a pastor at a church), or visit someone in the hospital (did I mention I’m a pastor), or jump on a Zoom call about a new RV park opening up across the street about which the neighbors are incensed because it will be occupied by people who don’t have another home besides their RV (again, pastor).
This content is primarily for me, though, it might be for you too. Maybe something I say will ring a bell or strike a nerve. I’m not one for jumping in the fray and insisting on a point. But I do have thoughts and ideas and opinions that I think are worth saying, at least so I can hear myself say them and that is going to have to be enough. But maybe I’ll string together some words every now and then that someone will read or hear and it will make a connection from me to them and then a little community will be formed. I would like it if that happened.
In general, I like being alive. And I like sharing life with people around me. In my best moments, I even love people with whom I have little in common, or about whom I know enough to know that by and large who I am doesn’t jive with who they are. If you like reading the words of someone who likes being alive and who might say something to which you can relate, I admire you. That’s dedication. That’s curiousity. That’s empathy. And I say, this content might be for you.